New Direction

I don’t blog too much about myself, at least nothing really serious. There’s been the occasional, “I like this” post, but other than that, not too much on here is really deep. I’m a very private, closed-off individual and I don’t like divulging that kind of information to people I don’t really know. However, I also believe that writing should be something personal, and that it is okay to write about the serious stuff every once in a while. Today is one of those moments.

I’m 28 years old. I’m divorced. I don’t have a driver’s license. And I have a chronic disease. Most people who know me don’t realize any of this. I try to keep my outward appearance cheerful, because I know we’re all going through stuff and I don’t like adding to their burden. I am a firm believer that peoples’ attitudes rub off on the people around them, and if you’re around a negative person all the time, or even for just a moment to experience that person’s negativity, then that attitude affects you. Take it from somebody who has dealt with that and affected others with that attitude in turn–it’s true. So I try to keep my attitude cheerful or at least indifferent, because I would never want to make somebody unhappy or anxious if I can help it. In the face of all that I go through, and have been dealing with for over two years now, I think I pull this off pretty well.

I’ve been unemployed since November of 2016. I left my job at that time because I was dealing with depression and the diabetes, and I was just not performing my work at 100 percent. So I left, so that I could take the time I needed to get my act together. I collected unemployment for the first time in the 10 years that I had been working, took my online Master’s classes, spent time with my dogs and cats, watched some television. Okay, a lot of television. I just let the depression and anxiety run its course, trying to find ways to put it behind me.

February came and after applying to all the jobs around town–and I mean ALL, even gas stations and fast food restaurants–for months and being turned down by ALL of them because “we’re going in a different direction” or “you’re overqualified for this position”, I decided to try to apply to the local call center again. I hate call centers, I hate being on the phones all day, and I hate the fast-paced work of answering call after call with no breather between calls, but I needed the money. At the same time, I worked on getting my certification to be a substitute teacher in the local school district.

At the same time, I applied for my driver’s permit. Yes, at 28. At first, I needed the doctors to sign off on me being behind the wheel of a car, and they didn’t do that until September of 2014. Then my permit ran out before I had a chance to use it due to going through my divorce. Due to this, I have been behind the wheel of a car for as many times as I can count on my left hand. So yes, I applied for my driver’s permit, so that I can practice behind the wheel of a car–legally–so that I can then go for my driver’s test. I set money aside from my tax returns so that I can put some money down on a car as well.

I finally got a call back from the call center to set up an interview. After I arrived and had my first interview, they had me do a peer interview right then and there. Then I had to do a background check and a drug test–yay for peeing in a cup to make sure I’m not smoking the reefer! After that, they gave me a start date of April 28th. Can you believe that? Basically two months after my interview! I had heard that this place was slow, but damn, that’s really slow! Luckily, my substitute teaching certificate came in the mail and I met with the superintendent of the local school system, and then that same week I got a call to do three days in March so far. Yay for me! Finally, I can make some money! After that, I got my driver’s permit test date back–March 14th.

This week has brought so many good things for me. The jobs, the driver’s test. I feel so blessed in this moment, that my life is finally picking up speed, allowing me to get my act together to make something of myself. Sometimes life is a pain in the ass, it drags you down in the mud and the muck in order to break you. Yet if you just keep pushing forward, digging your nails in the dirt to keep your head above surface, then eventually you will get yourself out of the mess that you are in.

You just have to have patience and faith.

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