Self-Worth

Have you ever had those days where you just think the absolute worst about yourself? Where you mentally call yourself every negative name in the book, point out all your flaws and just want to crawl up in a ball and hide because you’re convinced the world views you this way as well? Lately I’ve been feeling this way. I’m overweight, my hair needs to be done again, I chew my nails, I am tired all the time, I have a double chin(so gross!) and I don’t have a car, nor do I drive currently. I’m just not comfortable with how I am right now.On top of that, I am single. It makes me feel that nobody will want to date me. I’ve been single for a year now and I feel that these negative things that I have pointed out are the reasons why.

Lately I’ve been trying to lose weight. I’m not huge, but ever since I got this insulin pump, I put on 45 pounds and it makes me feel so uncomfortable in my own body. So I recently started to try to change this. I bought a Fitbit, an inexpensive Rowing Machine, started buying more vegetables. I’m trying to get more steps in during the day, do 30 minutes on the rowing machine, hit at least 4k steps(my goal is 8k right now, but I live in Maine and it is still cold and snowy out), eat less carbohydrates and eat more proteins and fibers. It’s a challenge though, because I have a sweet tooth and it is hard to resist the urge to get some ice cream or a muffin or anything like that. I’m doubly cursed, because not only does that affect my weight, but it affects my blood sugar levels as well. I’m trying though. I’m back under 200 pounds now, but I want to get back to 155, where I was before I got my insulin pump.

It’s a long process and I’m impatient. I want to be thin now. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. I want to feel attractive and have others find me attractive. I want the snow to be gone so I can take my two fur-babies for long walks around the local hay field, get those 8k steps in. I want to burn away this stomach fat so I can fit into the things I used to be able to wear. I feel like until I get to do these things again, I won’t be able to be successful in the things I want to be successful in–professional work, a relationship, health goals, the works. Being overweight really puts a damper on my confidence.

Anybody else having any struggles?

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