You Know What?

I need to find myself a sugar daddy. You know, a man that can take care of me while I do what I want and need to do. Go to doctor’s appointments. Take my dogs for a walk in the evenings. Buy a new bra because the one I’ve had for months finally died a painful, hole-y death. Spend three hours writing on my novel so that I can get it finished by the end of the year. You know, all the important things that I cannot seem to do because I am struggling to make ends meet and failing miserably.

My electric bill is over $500 because I had to use electric heaters this past winter to keep warm in this crappy apartment that seeps cold air in through every nook and cranny that is available to it. I can barely get 15 hours at the movie theaters, and the school year is over and doesn’t start back up till the end of August, so I can’t substitute right now. I can’t afford a car because the refund check that I get from the college every 12 weeks (I’m in grad school online and they seem to work differently) has to go to rent so I can keep a roof over my head. I keep racking up loans because I can’t pay for my classes and I need the refund checks to survive.

I’m failing at life here. I can’t drive, I don’t have a full time job, my Diabetes is poorly managed, I’m behind on rent and all my other bills. I am not utilizing my Bachelor’s degree that I busted my ass to get for 8 years–yeah, it took me that long to get it. I’m divorced, still single, no kids. My parents have passed away and my brother is MIA, my sister is too busy with the million things she’s got herself occupied with to help or even visit regularly and the rest of my extended family doesn’t seem to remember that I exist.

The only things that keep me going, keeps me from giving in to the depression that I feel every single day, are my dogs. They are like my kids, my best friends. And if I wasn’t here anymore, if I was a goner, then they would end up in a shelter, maybe adopted by horrible people who mistreat them or stick them outside all the time, or worse, dead. So when the thoughts come up that I am a waste of space, that I am literally not important because my life is wasting away, that is what keeps me going. The fact that I have these dogs as a responsibility is the thing that keeps me alive. These fluffy, furry, panting fuzz-balls save my life on a daily basis, so it’s only right that I take care of them to the best of my ability.

I make sure that they have the best food that I can get them to eat every day, before I buy groceries for myself. I make sure that they have the flea meds needed to keep them healthy and not getting chewed up by fleas or ticks. I buy them new leashes and collars when the old ones have started to fade and fray, and colorful bandanas to put on them when we go out in public so that they can look their best. They are allowed on the bed every single night, so that they don’t have to sleep on the hard wood floor–Avriik is getting older and I worry about arthritis, plus it allows me to cuddle with them. They sit with me on the couch every night while I watch an episode of whatever I am currently watching–right now it’s Upstairs, Downstairs–and they get fed popcorn that I have made for myself.

I might not be doing much with my life. I might be failing miserably. However, the one thing I can say I am doing well is being a pet owner. My animals–not just my dogs, but my cats too–are well cared for, trained well, and are loved beyond words. I am thankful for them so much, as they give my life purpose. I love them. And I know that they love me too.


Maine Heat

Up until recently, up here in Maine(up in comparison to the rest of the United States anyway), we’ve had pretty decent weather. And by decent, I mean 60 degrees during the day, 40 degrees at night–no need for a heater in the daytime and no need for an air conditioner in the evening(I like to sleep in the cold, like, the colder the better). But for the past couple weeks, the weather has bounced from 60 degree weather to 90 degree weather and back. Then today…


Yeah… 92 degrees. From 60 degree weather to 92 degree weather in the span of a day. It was unbearable. And in Maine, we don’t just have heat, we have humidity on top of heat. Imagine swimming in a hot spring in all of your clothes on, and that might be close to what it is like in Maine when it is hot. You basically feel like you are drowning.

I live in a second story apartment above a garage. Second floor apartments always are hotter, because, you know, heat rises. And when there’s nobody below you to cool down the air, all that hot air just gets stuck in your home. I plugged in the ACs, but I can only run one at a time because the wiring is crappy in this old place, and it barely takes the edge off the air. The windows are old, and so there’s gaps that the air can escape in and out of, which kind of defeats the purpose of cooling down the air.

So the dogs and I suffered through the weather, panting and sweating, sitting in front of the giant AC my friend loaned me for the summer because they have a few of their own and they barely use them–they’re in their 60s and they like it warmer. I didn’t cook, I just made a pasta salad, made sure the animals had plenty of water, and made sure all the lights were off to help keep it darker and cooler in here. But they still suffered through it. My poor kitties were sprawled across the hard wood floors–even they didn’t like the heat, and cats love sitting in the sun. I felt like I was melting, it was so bad.


In any case, we made it through the day–barely–and enjoyed the nice AC in the bedroom when we went to bed, as that is a small room and easier to cool down. Plus I have it so that the AC is level with the bed, so it feels like an ice cold fan blowing on me when I sleep. The pups definitely appreciated that.

How do you guys deal with the heat? I look forward to your responses!




Single Life

I woke up this morning, in my full-sized bed, with the two dogs laying at my feet. I’m single, I’m supposed to have the bed to myself–but nope. Dogs claim the spot that my partner is supposed to be in. And even when I had a partner, they still were on the bed. Alas, that’s the life of a pet owner. So here I was, eyes open, under the covers with the AC on–because obviously I want the AC on so I can be under the covers without roasting–and the dogs were at my feet, making it impossible to move.


So what did I do? What any respectable person living in the 21st century does–I checked my phone. A message from my brother about a camping trip, some random person I don’t even know following my facebook page, and that was it. Yaaaaay…

Coffee is something I prep the night before, so that when I wake up, it’s ready for me to drink. If there’s no coffee, then I suffer through the morning without even really being functional. So once I was able to crawl out of bed, I took the dogs out to go potty, fed the animals–two dogs, three cats–and then poured myself a cup of hot coffee, sat down at the couch and finished the anime I had been binge-watching the past couple days–From Me to You.


I should have been at work–I work two jobs, as a substitute teacher during the week and then at the concession stand at the local movie theater during the weekends. However, it’s supposed to get to about 90 degrees today, and my diabetes doesn’t do well when it is that hot, so I chose to stay home and do chores–dishes, changing the cat box, sweeping and vacuuming, putting laundry away, etc.

My single life is sooooo exciting haha.

I’ll post more later. I’m always excited to get messages or comments from you guys, so please do so! TTYL!


Single Pringle x2

So where I live–Rural Maine–it’s really hard to meet people once you’re out of school.  We’re spread out, there’s not many of us, and the ones that are out there are either taken, not batting for your team or just not good. I use dating sites–OKCupid and POF–and even then, finding somebody that is a good guy that I would actually be interested in who is NOT taken is very hard to find. I get messages from people from out of the country, men that have giant holes in their ears and their pants falling down their arses, or men that are just looking for a hook-up. The worst part is, they always seem nice at first, and then later on, when I’m all like, “Yeah, I’ve been talking to this guy, he seems nice/funny/smart!”, then he ends up being a guy with a massive drug addiction, or doesn’t have a job or car or his own apartment(I can deal with one of those flaws, not multiples of them), or we’re just not compatible. And then my friends are like, “So how’s it going with that guy?” and I have to be all like, “It’s not.”


This meme reminds me of that lol.




So I’ve been having a hard time raising money for a car. I don’t own one, I’ve never owned one before as I haven’t had my license till this year. I am hoping that you will take pity and donate and share or just share the link. I really would appreciate any help I can get, even just $5.

Thank you!

Car Fund

Anne with an E: An Adaptation

For the longest time, I was not a fan of adaptations. I like traditions, classics, things that don’t change. That’s how I felt about books and movies and anything that was “original” for the longest time. Don’t mess with a good thing, don’t fix something if it’s not broke; those were all phrases that I grew up hearing and something that was pressed upon me as a child.

However, in college, I took an adaptation class and that class changed my mind about all of it. We read a lot of originals in that class–Pamela by Samuel Richardson, Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen, and other books that I now cannot recall. We read their adaptations–Shamela as well as Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters. We read a comic book that was based off of Frankenstein, Mary Shelley’s classic novel. And while I really enjoy classics, I started to see the value of adaptations, even doing some adaptations myself for my final project by writing poems for Marianne’s ‘diary’ about the things she was going through within the adaptation of Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters.

Adaptation is a way to delve deeper in to a story that you are already in love with, a way to pay homage to an author who you adore, by letting their original work guide and influence your own. Adaptations allow you to go back in to a story in a way that is different yet still comforting. I know that for me, once a story is finished, I feel sad because I won’t get to be among those characters and that setting anymore. By embracing adaptations, I am allowed to revisit those characters and those places that feel like home through the eyes of a new perspective.

That’s how I feel about “Anne with an E”, recently given to the public by Netflix. I love the original Anne of Green Gables story; I didn’t grow up reading the books but I watched the “original” series on DVD many a time and grew fond of Anne and Gilbert Blythe, and Matthew was always a favorite of mine. Something about the characters felt so much more realistic than other characters in different stories, and the romance between the two characters was much more realistic than anything Jane Austen and other writers have produced within their works.

When I heard that Netflix was doing an adaptation of the story, I had mixed feelings. I wanted to see more of the story and characters, but I was afraid that they would make the story cheesy and not do the original justice. I watched the first 10 minutes and stopped the first episode, finding the main character lacking in some way; either it felt like her acting was forced or they were trying too hard with the directing. Either way, I wasn’t impressed at first. But then I picked it back up the next day.

The characters were definitely well thought out and delved in to more. I feel that when you have a television show or a mini series, it allows for more detail than a movie, because the story is stretched out. In “Anne with an E”, the watcher can definitely get to know the characters so much better, and I feel because of this, we grow closer to them. The backstory of Anne and how she became the eccentric person that she is, the reason why she is orphaned, and why she has trouble at the beginning of her stay at Green Gables is developed more fully with the allowance of a television series. And the actor that plays Gilbert Blythe! Whew! Great acting and I love how we see more about his character as well.

All in all I give this show a 4 out of 5. Great job Netflix! Please continue putting out the show so we can grow even more attached to these classic characters!