One of the struggles I seem to face as a single lady is this:
Should I settle?
By settle, I mean be with somebody who is less than what I want in a partner, just for the sake of being with somebody. Lowering expectations to cast a wider range–throwing a bigger net to catch more fish, yada yada.
I’m not talking about appearance, though finding somebody who I was attracted to would be a bonus. I’m not talking about a muscled, fit, brown haired, blue eyed babe with a deep, velvety voice, a bit on the short side but broad. No, looks are nice but they aren’t exactly what I mean by settling, because eventually looks fade, and then you are left with what is under the surface.
What I’m talking about is personality. Nerdy, funny, intelligent, educated (no, educated and intelligent are NOT the same thing, thank you very much), kind, loyal, self-reliant–these are all things that COULD be looked for in a person. If I listed them, then they are things I personally look for, but they could be different for another person. I look for somebody who is not a druggie, who has a car and a job, possibly has their own place or rooms with somebody other than their parents. Somebody who is doing something with their life.
However, I have yet to find this person, and I have been looking for almost two years.
Hence the question–should I lower my expectations?
Am I holding myself too high in regard? Am I expecting too much?
Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not the most intelligent person in the world (I mean, hey, I’m not Einstein after all), nor am I the most fit person (I can still see my toes though!!!), or the most attractive (although I am not hideous).
I’m just your average girl next door. But that’s okay, because it leaves room for my personality instead of just my appearance. And I have a lot of personality. I am funny, intelligent (I mean, I have a BA, and am working on my master’s, so you kind of have to be smart enough to make it this far), I’m sweet and stubborn, nerdy and outdoorsy, musical and a food-nut. I’m pretty awesome.
Or at least that’s what I tend to think.
Lately, I have been thinking that maybe I am not as awesome as I think I am. I mean, there’s gotta be a reason why I am still single, right? Maybe I’m not even a bit attractive, and I just think I am. Maybe I’m not as funny as I think, or as smart as I think. Maybe I am just on the bottom rung of the food chain, and nobody wants the bottom rung. I dunno. That’s just where my thoughts are taking me.
Maybe I should just settle for somebody who has a job, who is sort of okay, and be thankful. Maybe I should just take whatever I can get. But I feel like I can do better than that. But maybe that’s my delusion right there–thinking I can get better than what I really can.